The Break-up Cycle

Pauper ,

The emotionally disturbed-
Hope you are recovering well. Trying to commit suicide was a bad- very bad idea. And the worst part was to write a letter blaming me for it! This actually proves that my decision was right and, contrary to your parents’ belief, you ARE mentally instable. I felt for you, you know? Well, don’t think I’m lying just because I didn’t visit you in the hospital. But, unlike you, some people have a life bigger than just facebooking, hanging out with friends and playing guitar in a local band, which by the way is far more irritating than your silly facebook statuses! So, honestly, I couldn’t make it as I was busy with my stuff.

Why the face? In case you are wondering, yes, my ‘stuff’ does include spending time with my Prince. He bought a new car recently- Red, as I’ve always wanted. We went on a long drive the other day. And I discovered I like cars better than rickshaws. At least, my clothes are not ruined when it rains, as it happened when I went on a long rickshaw-ride with you! Remember I told you it was romantic? Well, yes, it was indeed. But only once. The other times under the scorching sun, in 39 Celsius… I DID NOT like those rides with you! I lied when I said otherwise, as a very kind person I was just trying to make you feel good. How come you didn’t notice my discomfort and perspiration and anger and disappointment? But then, how would you? You don’t even have a car! Another thing, I HATE fuchka and chotpoti! Do you have any idea how unhygenic they are? There is no place to sit even! Who goes there! You’ve always wondered why I haven’t told my younger sister about our “dates”. The reason is I was embarrassed! Even our dad takes us to Pizza Hut or A&W, not some filthy-tacky- chotpoti place! And seriously speaking, singing “Ek main aur ekk tu” aloud--sitting on a field with street urchins hanging around and beggars crawling all over you--is more disgusting than romantic.

But then, did you ever care about being “romantic”? All your attention was focused on being “erotic” instead! Yeah, yeah, yeah- I indulged, since you are ONLY good at that, by the way. You are moderately handsome I must admit. Going out with you was like wearing Prada or Armani. Everyone noticed us! Although, I obviously attracted the bigger share of their attention, I do give you some credit. But hanging out with a handsome hunk is great as long as you don’t have to survive the ‘dressing room’! Do you know, you take more time than me for taking a bath & getting ready? Sometimes I wonder how much you spend on your hair-gel and cosmetics. You even wore matching shoes/snickers with each of your jerseys! Come on- how phony is that for a ‘wanna be’ model?
So, after taking all these matters into consideration, I have decided to date another guy whom I can marry. In case you have started tearing this letter, do remember that you are NOT a ‘husband material’. Even if I forget every other detail, how can I tolerate the thousands of female-friends that you have? I enjoyed them once, when I liked to see the jealousy in their eyes with you in my arms. But this constant flirting and chatting and hugging and ‘buddying’ with girls- is not something I expect from my husband. We, especially you, needed them to complete assignments, and give attendance. But this constant dependence on girls to help you pass exams with a staggering D/D+ (rarely C- even) is off the limits. Don’t tell me they did it for free. I have seen you spending time with them and taking photos with them in intimate posture. These habits can’t be changed. So don’t sell me the crap that you’ll turn out to be someone decent.

Listen, you are just good at being a boyfriend. To be my husband you need to ‘evolve’ for another century. A good career, a decent family and a ‘white’ background are essential. And I hate to put this to you- but you suck at all of them!!! So don’t raise your hopes and STOP BLAMING ME FOR YOUR SUICIDE. The last thing I want is to have your mother crying in my living room to visit you and asking me to “breathe some life into you”.

[If my boyfriend knows anything about my past and especially you, you won’t need to commit suicide. I’ll personally make sure that you go to hell!]
Sincerely,

The beautiful Princess.